10,000 Hours 'Til Grace Saves
by Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
Summary: Sam runs off 10.22 and Luka sets off to find her...And a few surprises. Samka
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One – Hide and Seek 

She was running away from everything that was in Chicago. She was running from Steve and the promise that he'd come back, knowing that it'd just be easier if they weren't there when he didn't come back. She was running away from Luka and the way that he'd backed away just because Steve was there.

She knew that Steve had gone to talk to Luka, even though neither had admitted to it. Luka undoubtedly put thought into the decision, but overall it still hurt her. She was running away from all of the hurt that was waiting to be trampled upon in Chicago. Luka being one of the things that she was running from, because if she really loved him like she was afraid she did, seeing him everyday knowing that he was willing to let Steve _have_ her hurt her so much more.

She was desperate to get away and take a rest from everything. She was running to the last place she thought that she'd ever run – her parents in New Jersey. She usually headed south, but this time, the closer that she was to Chicago, the easier it would be for Steve to find her and the added baggage of Luka searching her out.

She had gone north from Trenton when she was younger. She had gone to major cities such as Dallas, Denver, Detroit, Dover, Helena, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Richmond, Topeka, Washington D.C., and many more places that were little towns along the way. And now she was making her way back to New Jersey, convinced that if things didn't work out there she'd drive to Atlanta or to somewhere in Florida. But until things didn't work out, she was going to New Jersey.

There would be no stops, except for food and gas. She could drive 12 hours without stopping – that was like one shift at the hospital. She was sure that they'd be there by 6 the next morning. It was like working the night shift after being up all day.

They were almost to Ohio, almost across the Indiana border. Ohio was a long way away from a place that she longed to call home, even more so than any other place that she had been. Ohio just meant that she was still close enough to turn around and go back to Chicago – they were just a few minutes away.

Except for going back to Chicago would be setting herself up for more than one world of hurt. Going back to Chicago would mean that she had gone soft. She always thought that if she went back to someplace once leaving, that'd mean that she couldn't be the mother that Alex needed.

But she was going back to New Jersey. She thought that maybe Alex would get to see his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, because it wouldn't hurt anything considering that it was the summer break. Maybe he'd enjoy it this time.

Last time they were in New Jersey, he was 16 months old. His grandparents were distant towards her, but showed their concern for Alex. _If you're ever short on food, come by and we'll give Alex something healthy_, they'd tell her. They didn't seem to care about her well being.

That was why she left New Jersey. She left Trenton for her. Trenton was the only place that she'd ever left for her. Everywhere else she left to protect Alex.

Alex was sitting in the backseat. She had finally ignored him long enough for him to realize that no matter how much or how long he complained, she wasn't going to answer or give in. He clutched his gameboy in his hands, the screen brightened around his face, and the headphones plugged into the tiny system were covering his ears.

She couldn't hear any noise from his gameboy. The only noise in the car was the light sounds coming from the radio. She glanced into her rearview mirror just in time to see Alex remove the headphones from his ears.

"Where are we going?" he asked, setting the gameboy on the seat beside him. He was getting tired, and he was definitely hungry. His stomach had just given him away by releasing a loud growl into the backseat of the car.

"To see your grandma," she sighed, glancing into the rearview mirror again. Her eyes lingered back to the road, and she was disgruntled by everything that she saw. "Want to stop and get something to eat?" she asked, her voice faking an octave.

"Can we stop at McDonald's?" he asked, a grin on his face. He was excited, surprisingly. The seatbelt was wrapped around his chest and clicked into place. It looked like it could cut off his smile at any second.

"Yeah, okay," she nodded, slightly smiling. Her words were breathless, and she was faking excitement. The only thing that she could remember was for a while there, she didn't have to fake her happiness or her excitement. It was real – that man had made it real.

She had left behind what was real for her just to keep good things real in her son's life. She wanted him to be successful in anything that he wanted to be successful in. If his father kept coming back, he'd never be anything more than a loser. She wasn't going to let that happen to him. Alex deserved so much more than that – he deserved so much more than she had ever deserved.

She turned on her right signal, and with it blinking; she merged into the right hand lane to get off of the highway. The McDonald's sign was raised high into the sky so passing cars could see it from the highway. She turned into the parking lot, and parked the car. She got out, and Alex followed closely behind.

She couldn't believe that she'd totally forgot about eating. Almost 3 hours later and she was only reminded when Alex's stomach growled. She was starving her son – well, she was afraid that she was. It wasn't fair that he was forced to not eat.

"You aren't too hungry, are you?" she asked, squeezing his shoulder. He shook his head, her fingertips ruffling the hair at the back of his neck. He opened the door, and held it slightly open for them both to walk through, and she shoved her hand into her coat pocket.

The car was quiet – silent. No music, no noise from the gameboy, only the sounds of breathing and the car passing through the wind. She would be able to hear anything if there was even the slightest noise. Even though it was quiet, she was surprised when she heard her phone quietly vibrating against the empty passenger seat beside her.

She reached over to pick her cell phone up while glancing into the rearview mirror, and looked at who was calling. She sighed, pulling up to the tollbooth you must pass before going over the bridge in between the borders of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Before she could reach the tollbooth, she pulled off to the shoulder.

The bar on the front of the flip phone brightened the front of the car with Luka's name. She rubbed her forehead, and slid her thumb up and down the side of the cell phone. Reluctantly, she silenced the phone and ignored his call. Her mind was battling with questions.

_Why was he awake? Why was he calling her? What would he say?_

She ignored her inward battle, and pulled back onto the empty road. She pulled up to the tollbooth with her window down. The cool river breeze brushed throughout the car, and she shivered. The man in the tollbooth accepted her money and gave her the change. She shoved the change into her purse and drove across the bridge while rolling up her window.

Now that she was crossing the border, it would be less than 10 minutes before they were in Trenton – a place that she used to live. She didn't want to impose on her parents, especially since they didn't know she and Alex were coming, so she'd just rent a hotel room. They could stay in a nice hotel this time – she had more money than she'd had any other time that she'd arrived somewhere.

They could stay in a Hilton or a Holiday Inn. She couldn't make up her mind, but she was inclined to go with the latter. Holiday Inn's were nice – they were nicer than other places that they'd stayed. She could push a little more money to a room, thanks to Luka.

And now his name was in her head. She owed him so much. He'd paid her phone bill once just because he found it before she had. They had gotten into a fight once she found out, but he'd insisted, claiming that he'd ran up the phone bill. They both knew that it wasn't true, but they dropped the argument.

The last couple of weeks that she and Alex had been in the apartment, she'd stumbled upon the knowledge that he'd paid for her rent. She didn't bring it up, and he didn't bring it up. They couldn't bring it up, because while Steve was there, they were left missing each other.

Pulling into the front of a Holiday Inn, she sighed as her cell phone vibrated against the passenger seat again. She ignored his call again, shoving her phone into her front coat pocket. She stopped in front of the lobby, and turned off the car. She couldn't leave Alex alone in the car, especially since he was asleep.

She got out of the car, and opened the door to the backseat. She picked Alex up, surprised that she was still strong enough to pick him up, and shut the car door. She locked the car and they disappeared into the warmth of the hotel.

He huddled into her, his face resting in the crook of her neck. His warm breathing trailed across her neck, and her son comforted her without actually knowing that he was. Her fingertips slid across the edge of the wood countertop, and she gently tapped the bell.

As quickly as the noise echoed in the lobby a man appeared from around the corner. He smiled, pulling his hands from his pockets and stopping across from her. He picked the pen up from the counter and clutched it in his pale fingers.

"Can I help you?" he asked, still smiling. His smile was warm and genuine. He had a smile that she'd never seen from someone that worked in a hotel, especially the graveyard shift.

"I need a room with two beds," she smiled, squeezing her son within her arms. He smiled and nodded. He began checking the available rooms in the computer.

"I'm sorry ma'am. We don't have any rooms with two beds available. We do have a room with a full size bed and a living room with a pullout bed in the couch," his smile turned to sympathetic. She didn't need or want his sympathy, so her jaw cocked without warning.

"That'll have to do," she said with a sigh. He nodded as his eyes fell back down to the computer screen. Her eyes scanned across Alex, and she soothingly rubbed his back.

"I'm going to need your name and your form of payment," he said, glancing up at her. His eyes immediately fell back down to the screen. He narrowed his eyes at the screen and scratched his temple.

"Sam Taggart. I guess that I'll be paying in cash," she sighed, finally tearing her eyes away from her sleeping son. "How much?" she added, furrowing her eyebrows. He looked at the price and pursed his lips together.

"105 dollars," he said slowly. He seemed surprised that she'd pay cash. Hell, he seemed surprised that she had a son as big as she did, and that she could hold him the way that she was.

"Do I need to pay you now? Because my hands are kind of full," she said, gesturing to Alex in her arms. He looked up at her from the computer and his typing. He smiled at her.

"No ma'am. That won't be necessary," he said, shaking his head. He smiled, turning behind him and grabbing the key to the room they were going to stay in. He clutched the key, looking down at the information on the screen.

"You'll be in room 111. That's on this floor, and I can get someone to help you," he said, outstretching the key towards her. She took it from him, and glanced out of the two front doors. She sighed tiredly.

"Could you?"

"Sure," he smiled, following her out to her car. Once he helped her get their stuff into the room, and she had tucked Alex into the bed, she walked out into the living room. The sun was rising, and she looked at her cell phone, noticing that it only said 6:30. She had forgot the time difference between Chicago and Trenton.

Her phone vibrated from the end table beside the couch she had just sat on. The phone continued to vibrate gently against the wood, sliding across the table. She couldn't stand him continuing to call her, that and she longed to talk to him.

She flipped the phone open, and she sighed. The phone was pressed to her ear, and she could hear his gentle breathing down the line. His breathing paused, as he seemed to listen intently, expecting her voice mail.

"Sam?" he asked after moments of silence. His voice was dripping with worry. She deeply inhaled, licking her lips.

"I'm here," she breathed out. He sighed gratefully. As she was listening to him breathe, she realized that she under went a moment of weakness and there was nothing for them to talk about.

"Where are you? I'm going crazy."

"I'm in a place that I used to live," she said. "I've got to go. Bye," she added, hanging up the phone. With the snap of her cell phone, she let it drop to the couch. She cried – she cried silent tears in a place that she used to live.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2 – Past Forgotten and Ignored_**

She had drifted off with the television on. She noticed the time on the TV, and she noted that she'd only slept for half an hour. It was on a weather channel, and she woke up to the weatherman telling her that it'd be a sunny day in Chicago.

Chicago. She had liked Chicago. Hell, she still liked Chicago. There was someone she had loved in Chicago. Hell, she still loved him. She had loved him. Luka.

His name was like a dagger through her heart, slicing through her thousands of times. Although, she felt for him the way that she did, she couldn't give into his phone calls again. She couldn't talk to him – there'd be nothing to say. He wouldn't understand if she'd try to say it.

She sighed as she prepared herself to stand up from the couch. As her hands met the cushion to push her body upward, the phone vibrated across the end table again. She looked at the name with glazed eyes, and silenced her phone. The phone quit vibrating and she set it back down on the end table.

She went into the bathroom and washed her face. Returning into the living room, her phone beeped, indicating that there was a new voice message. She collapsed onto the couch and rubbed her face with her fingertips. She picked up her phone and called her voice mail.

"Sam, please talk to me. Are you somewhere that maybe I could drop by and we could talk?" he sounded desperate for her. She hated his desperation, but she couldn't stand to fall in love again only to not be loved back. "I miss you," his final words were spoken breathlessly, and they sent shivers down her spine.

She closed the phone, and the snap echoed throughout the hotel room. The noise was slightly louder than the light sounds coming from the weather channel. She set the phone back on the end table beside the remote, and she leaned back into the couch. Her head rested against the armrest, and she rubbed her eyes.

Squinting her eyes at the time that the television had captured in the corner of the screen, she sighed at the numbers that it contained. It seemed so late to her, but in reality it was really early in the morning. The time changed to 7:53. She sat up from the couch and grabbed her cell phone back off of the table.

Trying to remember the last time that she had talked to her parents, her temples barred up with sharp pains. She rubbed her temples, driving the pain from her head. The last time that she had spoken to her parents was a month before they fled to Chicago, and she realized that it'd been nearly a year since her and her parents had exchanged words.

She dialed her parents phone number, her phone number that she had as a child, and traced her thumb over the send button on her cell phone. Her cell phone belonged to a Chicago area code, and her parents would never recognize that number. She sighed, firmly pressing down on the send button. The phone rang on the other side of the line, and she rubbed her nose nervously waiting for someone to answer.

"Hello?" a soothing voice said down the phone. Her mother was oblivious to who was resting on the other end of the phone line. Her mother's voice implied that she possessed an open mind that day, willing to give anything a try. She'd seen that side of her mother – her mother had actually had those days a lot throughout her pregnancy at 15.

"Hi, mom. It's me, Sam," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

"Hi, Samantha. How's Detroit?" her mother asked, sounding very happy to be speaking to her.

"Actually, right now we're in New Jersey. We actually got here about 2 hours ago," she said, exhaling nervously. She leaned against her upper thighs. What was there left to say? She'd just told her mother that they were in New Jersey. "Alex really wants to see you guys, do you think that maybe we could have lunch sometime?"

"Lunch? Sugar, you guys are welcome to come join us for breakfast. Your father should be getting up pretty soon, and I'm sure that he'll be very happy to see you," her mother said. It really was one of those days that her mother was willing to try anything. She'd really like to see her little brother Mark.

"Breakfast sounds great. Where we're staying isn't exactly home cooking," she laughed quietly in the back of her throat. "I guess that we'll be around soon," she said, smiling while slightly nodding her head.

"We'll see you then, Sammy," her mother said. Before her mother could hang up, she felt the need to thank her – she'd never felt that need before.

"Hey, mom? Thank you," she breathed out. She and her mother said their good byes, and once she hung her phone up, she went into the bathroom. She started the shower, and once the steam had risen from the top, she stepped in.

The water was warm against her skin, and it was refreshing. The water colliding with her skin was maybe just what she needed. It could keep her collected for a few hours, or at least until she had left from her parents. The last thing that she needed was to breakdown in front of her parents.

She got out of the shower, pulled on some clean clothes, and got Alex out of bed. She made him go into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, and he questioned her the entire time. Once they were both changed and he was mostly clean, they headed out of the door of the hotel with the hotel key in her pocket and the car keys in her hand.

Pulling into the driveway of her childhood home, she noticed the red Ford Mustang that her dad used to drive, a black Ford Ranger, and a red Lincoln Navigator. She hadn't ever realized how big the driveway was, until her car was parked behind the mustang. The car stopped at a house that Alex didn't recognize, and she glanced at him in the rearview mirror.

"It's okay. You're going to like them – well, you'll at least like your Uncle Mark," she said, faking another smile. She remembered talking to Mark. Mark called once a week for 4 years after she had left, it gradually turned into once every two weeks, and now it was once a month. Mark never talked to Alex, so Alex only knew him from what his mother had said about him.

"How come we've never been here to visit them before?" he asked, unbuckling his seatbelt. He climbed out of the backseat, and their doors shut in unison. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and squeezed it.

"You know what, kiddo? I bet that your Uncle Mark has a lot of stories to tell you," she said, attempting to change the subject. They approached the door, and she looked down at him as they stepped onto the porch step. He looked up his eyes wide.

"Are they better than Luka's?" came Alex's immediate reply.

"I bet that he could teach some stuff about basketball. You like basketball, right?" she asked, making a loose fist and knocking it against the hollow, wooden door.

"It's all right," he said, and seconds later the front door was opened.

She clutched a cup of steaming coffee in her tight grasp, and her fingers cramped, prompting her to set the cup down onto the kitchen table in front of her. The sound of the ceramic hitting the wood seemed to make her mother shift in the seat beside her. She knew that she had some explaining to do, but she didn't know where to start.

"You left Detroit. Did you leave and come here?" her mother asked, crossing one leg over the other and leaning against the table expectantly.

"No, actually. We were in Detroit for like, a week after I last talked to you. We went to Chicago," she said, looking down at the table. Her eyes traced the pattern and sweat rings from glasses when she was a kid. She couldn't find the courage to look up and see her mother eye-to-eye.

"Chicago? Where did you go after that?" she asked. She was right to believe that she had fled to more places than just Chicago. Her parents had never heard of Alex going to one school for an entire school year, but miracles do happen. She was there now, wasn't she?"

"No where. We were in Chicago for a little over a year," she said. She glanced up, her eyes barely meeting her mother's. She leaned forward, sighing in defeat. If her cell phone rang at that moment, she wouldn't have the strength to not speak to him. "You know, it was nice. I thought that this time I'd finally been given the opportunity to fall in love with one city," she shook her head.

"If you loved Chicago so much, why'd you leave?" her mother asked. She was sincere, really seemed to care about Sam. Immediately following the question her mother asked, she searched through her brain for an answer that her mother would understand.

"Steve showed up, and he started to interfere with our lives. We'd finally made something that was starting to work. It took us a year to adjust to everything that'd happened, and when we were finally adjusted, Steve shows up and changes everything," she said.

"I always told you that Steve was bad news," her mother said, her tone lacked the condescending tone that she'd usually had with Steve's name tact to it.

"I know that you did, but, you know, right now," she trailed off, shaking her head. "I just – I just don't really want to talk about it," she said, furrowing her eyebrows and shaking her head more frantically.

"You haven't been home to see us in what? 8 years?" her mother asked, changing the subject to something else that Sam didn't want to talk about. Sam sighed, running her hand through her long, golden, curly hair. The tips of her hair were dry, but her hair was still slightly wet on top.

"Yeah, almost 9," she sighed, nodding her head in agreement.

"Something happened in Chicago, didn't it? Something happened that made you want to come back to a place that was home, didn't it?" her mother asked. Her mother was searching for her eyes. Her mother hadn't searched for her eyes since she was 14. All throughout the time that she was pregnant with Alex, her mother was distant in her eyes and in her speech.

"What would make you say that?" she asked, her voice on the edge of being defensive.

"You can't fool me, Sam. You never would have come back home to see us unless you needed to be in a place that you have called home before, and I'm coming to conclusion that the only places that you've ever called home are Trenton and Chicago," her mother reached her arm out and gently placed it on her shoulder.

"You always used to think that you knew me – everything about me," she said, pushing her lips together. She humbly bit her bottom lip, and her mother rubbed her upper arm. She looked up at her mother, tears glazing over her eyes, and she swallowed down a tearful lump in her throat.

"Sam, I used to know you, and I still do," her mother said gently. Sam stood up at the same time as her mother did, and frail arms enveloped her. She forgot what those arms around her felt like. She forgot that she had missed her mother comforting her. Even though her mother was soothing her just the way that she needed, it reminded her of how much she had needed comfort the past couple of weeks.

"I think that Alex and I should go, mom. We've imposed long enough," she whispered, drying her tears as they pulled away.

"You couldn't impose on us, dear. Mark's going to be home any second," her mother said, smiling.

"I would love to see Mark," she agreed shaking her head, "maybe we'll stay for a little while longer."

"Nonsense. You have to stay. Tracy and Aaron will be over later. We're going out for Cajun tonight," her mother was insisting that they stay.

"I've had the best Cajun food," she said, shaking her head with wide eyes. She sniffed and wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. She smiled while releasing a small laugh. "I hated Cajun until he made me eat it. I just fell in love with it," she said, rolling her eyes happily.

"Who made you eat it?" her mother asked.

"Never mind. It's not important," she sighed, smiling. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffed again. She picked up her cup of coffee and sipped the liquid from it, its steam no longer flowing out of the top like a chimney.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3 – Misunderstandings Go Unexplained**_

She watched as Mark walked through the door with question written all over his face. He pointed in the direction of the door with pursed lips until the corner of his eye caught sight of her. He rushed towards her and swept her off of her feet, engulfing her into a tight, bear hug.

His smile mirrored hers, the smile that they had inherited from their father. He held her at arms length, letting her imprint back into his memory. He was bigger – he looked down on her. Her eyes were lined with the top button of his unbuttoned shirt.

"You've gotten big, little brother," she teased, giving him another hug at the side. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, laughing at her tiny stature.

"That's funny because you – you have gotten smaller," he teased back, reaching over and patting her stomach. She understood the playful point that he was trying to make, and she smacked his arm. Her eyes turned to Alex, who was sitting on the couch watching television with her mother, and she noticed how his eyes were zoned out on the TV.

"I've gotten smaller, but he's gotten much bigger," she said, gesturing towards Alex. Mark glanced in the direction that she was pointing in, and when his eyes fell on Alex, his jaw dropped. He nodded his head in agreement, slowly tearing his eyes from his 10-year-old nephew.

"God, I haven't seen you in so long," he breathed out, looking down at her with a smile. "Either one of you," he added, in the same breathless tone. She smiled at her little brother, surprised at how he managed to make her really smile.

"Maybe you could teach him some of your basketball stuff, you know? He really needs something to do. He's bored out of his mind," she said, laughing quietly. Her cell phone started to vibrate in her front pants pocket, and she reached into her pocket to pull it out. "Go on," she said, nodding her head towards Alex, and Mark squeezed her shoulders again while moving towards Alex.

She looked at the front of her phone, and sighed in exasperation. "Damn it!" she yelled out, everyone in the living room turning to look at her. She shook her head wildly, silencing the vibrations again and gently slapping her upper thigh. "It's nothing," she said, shaking her head while pressing her palm against her forehead.

She set her phone down on the kitchen mantle, and walked into the living room. She left it on the mantle, hoping that'd help her to ignore his call – to ignore him. She glanced at her little brother and Alex, who seemed to be getting along fine. It was 10:30 in the morning, and she still couldn't sleep if she had wanted to.

It was the pain of leaving him without any explanation. It was keeping her awake, thinking about the possibility of owing him some kind of information. But he used to understand her so well. He used to understand her without questions or elaboration – he understood it all until his confrontation with the man of her nightmares.

"Do you mind if I go to the restroom?" she asked her mother. Her father had woken up and decided on making his way to the store after they had eaten. He'd been gone for a little over an hour, and she'd began to wonder when he'd be back.

"Not at all. This was your home once, baby. You don't have to ask," her mother said, smiling as she stood up from the chair. Sam smiled as they crossed paths, her mother walking to the kitchen, and she continued into the bathroom. Her parents were being strangely nice to her, but maybe it was because they had finally realized that she wasn't a child anymore and she could take care of herself and her son.

She made her way through the narrow hall, the familiarity of it shocking her. She slowed through the hall when the many pictures nailed to it were in her vision. The pictures were so old, the pictures consisting of her two brothers, her sister, her parents, and her. The pictures seemed the same down the hall, pictures of her brothers and sister on their graduation day with their tassels on their hats.

Of course, the picture of her was missing – the space blank on the wall. Directly beside that space was a picture of Alex in the first grade. She had forgotten that she had sent them that. They were in Dallas. No, they were in Helena. No, it was Phoenix. She didn't remember what city they were in when Alex was in the first grade.

She stared at the picture for a second longer, fighting the urge to reach out and trace her sons features, before remembering that she was heading to the bathroom. She shoved her hands into her pockets, and continued walking to the bathroom. She appeared in the doorway of the bathroom that she had used when she was younger.

It was the same, except that none of her stuff decorated the bathroom. Mark's stuff seemed to take over the bathroom, and it was just as familiar as it had been when she was a kid. When she was a kid, she'd always find her stuff hidden in drawers, cabinets, the trash, and even sometimes on her dresser. She always seemed to be banned from her stuff on the counter, but that was because the last time she was living with them, she was 16 and Mark was only 9.

By the time she was leaving the bathroom, her mind was filled of old memories from the year that she was pregnant with Alex and the few months that she lived with them. The closed door that used to be her bedroom caught her attention, and her feet wondered towards her old room. She slowly opened the door, and deeply inhaled at the sight before her.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, and leaned against the doorframe. It was the same as it had been when she left 10 years ago. There was still a white crib in the corner, and a twin size bed directly below the window. The sun seemed brighter in that room than it been when it was lived in. There were two nightstands, one on each side of the bed.

A clock undoubtedly flashed on the one bedside table, and a lamp was placed on the other. She couldn't move. Her room was left just how she had left it. Her parents had never moved her stuff out to put other stuff in it and turn it into another room.

Feet were shuffling down the hall behind her, and she glanced in that direction. She saw her brother and smiled at him before turning her attention back to her old bedroom. He walked up behind her, and his tall frame overshadowed her as he leaned against the doorframe behind her.

"You know, they never changed anything after you left?" he said softly. He rested his hands on her shoulders, and massaged her muscles with his thumbs. She pursed her lips together, content with the sensitivity that her little brother was showing her and her son.

"Then, what have they used my old room for?" she asked, unable to turn around.

"To collect dust. Sam, they miss you more than they've ever let on," he paused, gulping down his increasing amount of saliva. "Sometimes, late at night, mom thinks that everyone's asleep. She comes in here and just cries. She hasn't seen you in almost 9 years, you know? I think that's why when you called and told her you were in town, she jumped on the chance to have you over," he said, sliding his arms loosely around her neck. He hugged her, holding her comfortingly.

"I thought that you said it was used to collect dust," she said, squinting her eyes deep into the brightened room.

"It's brighter than usual. I think it's happy to see you," he smiled, leaning forward and kissing the back of her head. They stood in silence for a few moments, before he gave her a tight squeeze and released her. "Is it okay if I take Alex to the park?" he asked her, running his hand through his hair.

"Sure, Mark. You're a good kid, right? Keep him out of trouble. He likes to perform emergency surgeries on animals. Dead or alive," she laughed, turning around and leaning her back against the doorframe. He laughed, rubbing her upper arm. "If you hadn't called me every month I don't think that I'd trust you. Why didn't you ever tell mom and dad that Alex and I moved to Chicago?" she asked him, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I figured that if you wanted them to know, you'd tell them yourself," he shrugged. "Thanks for letting me take him to the park. He seems like a great kid," he added, turning towards the bedroom across the hall and grabbing the keys to his car.

"He really is," she said to her brother as he shoved his keys into his khaki shorts pocket. He walked out of his bedroom, and paused beside her. He looked at her again, his smile wider than she had ever remembered it being.

"I really have missed you," he said again. She nodded in agreement, looking down at the ground for a second. Looking back up from the ground, she followed her brother back out into the living room.

"What are you going to do at the park?" she asked, as they rounded the corner. She saw Alex setting the phone back down on the mantle, and she narrowed her eyes at him warningly. He turned to see them standing there, and he smiled. Mark patted Sam's shoulder and continued towards the door.

"Where going to maybe play a little ball," Mark suggested towards Alex. Alex turned towards Mark and glanced back at Sam.

"Yeah, okay," Alex agreed with a smile. Sam's body froze – Alex had that smile like he knew something was going to happen that Sam told him not to even attempt. When his eyes caught hers, her jaw stiffened as she stared at him with those same eyes.

"You better not be up to anything. Your Uncle Mark has permission to punish you in any way that's necessary," she said, teeth clenched a little tighter than usual. She squeezed her arms into her tighter and continued into the kitchen where her mother was. "Be safe," she added, pausing in front of them.

"We will," Mark and Alex said in unison. Mark smiled and put a hand on Alex's shoulder, guiding him out of the front door. They disappeared out of the door, it being shut gently behind them.

"You've done a good job raising him," her mother said before she could even walk all of the way into the kitchen. She smiled, sitting down at the kitchen table. The sincerity in her mother's voice was met with a meaningful glance.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you'd seen the suture job that he'd done on his leg," she laughed.

"What did he do?" her mother asked, getting something out of the refrigerator.

"He cut his leg on something at recess, and he stitched it up himself. Whenever he came up to the hospital, he showed his doctor friend and he was afraid that he'd shown him how to do that. I didn't know that he'd use my own tools against me," she said, slightly laughing in the back of her throat.

"Alex had a doctor friend?" her mother asked, getting out ingredients for cookies. She'd recognize the ingredients anywhere, and she had the feeling that milk and cookies would be able to cure her pain this time. Milk and cookies could cure the pain for a seventh grade crush, but they could never cure the pain of missing someone while they're in the same room as you.

"Yeah. His name is Luka," she sighed, running a hand through her hair. Her mother paused from working the dough together, and started pounding it harder than she had before. Sam inhaled a deep breath, and leaned back in her chair.

"That must be the guy that Alex keeps talking about. Alex said that he really liked you," her mother said carefully.

"Yeah. We went out a couple of times. It wasn't anything serious," she said, shrugging. Why did she keep saying that? If it wasn't quite serious, it was getting serious. He had made his way over after every shift. "No, it was serious, but we kind of had to go on a break when Steve came back and interrupted our lives."

"What was your relationship with this Luka guy like?" her mother asked, genuinely concerned.

"He used to understand me, you know? He used to make me laugh. He used to drive me crazy, you know? He was the guy that I thought had the holier than thou attitude but then I got to know him. He used to understand me," she sighed.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4 – Similarities of All Runaways_**

Her mind had drifted to Luka nearly every time the table was silent for even a short moment, and even in moments while others were speaking and she wasn't. He was so tall, even taller than her little brother had grown to be. His accent was thick, and he was still sometimes unsure if what he was saying was what he meant. The color of his skin was naturally dark. He had those mysterious, tall, dark, and handsome qualities to his Croatian frame.

In her mind, she traced his features. The way she was left remembering him was the edge of his face lined with short and prickly facial hairs, and his eyes with slight bags under them. His eyes were probably baggy from not getting the sleep that was normal for him. But the bags under his eyes were a good look for him. His black hair was still short – he seemed to get like 30 haircuts a month.

She had held a wine glass to her slightly parted lips, hoping to wash away all traces of him – his face, his memory, his love, the hurt of her feeling the same. But as the liquid washed down the back of her throat, the only thing that it washed away was the spicy taste that Cajun chicken had left stranded on her taste buds. It was the spice herbs that were added to the chicken that she'd always hated, and now she was just eating the Cajun chicken out of politeness. Maybe she just didn't have the strength to turn down food.

She set her wine glass down on the table, and to announce that she was through with it, she asked the waiter for an ice water. Her cheeks were reddening, and she was becoming insanely flushed. She couldn't explain it, but the room was becoming hot. The heat seemed to rise to the surface of her skin, her nerves becoming numb. And then her stomach started twisting and flipping around, causing her to become nauseated.

The only trace of cool air left in her body seemed to attempt an escape up through her throat, triggering her to fight back the sick feeling that had come over her. She gulped the cool air down, and shakily exhaled. She was forced to sip her wine again; the moment that the flavor met the tip of her tongue she spit it out.

"Excuse me," she smiled breathlessly, standing up from the table. Her pace to the bathroom was quick, and she was sure that the eyes of her mother, father, her brothers Mark and Aaron, her sister Tracy, and her son Alex, were all boring holes into the back of her head. She shook it off, pressing a hand to her stomach and her other hand to her mouth.

The bathroom was empty, and she had definitely expected there to be at least one other person in the bathroom considering that it was a Cajun food restaurant. Her stomach flipped more abundantly, prompting her to rush into the nearest empty stall. It gagged her as the air got caught in her throat, and was soon pushed up by the loss of her control. She pulled away, flushing the toilet, and she rubbed her forehead. Her index finger lingered down a trail to her chin, and she pulled her hand away, smoothing out her slightly wrinkled top.

She collected herself inside the stall before recollecting herself outside of the stall. She fought with herself on the inside, and had an eye battle with herself in the mirror on the outside. She was angry with herself, the wonders of what she had already frightfully pondered once finding its way back to her.

Returning to the table, she decided that the rest of the meal was going to go great. All other thoughts were going to be pushed aside and she was going to think about the accepting family that she had sitting in front of her. But she couldn't just quit thinking of a doctor that she used to love – she couldn't quit cold turkey.

She had always doubted her mothering capabilities, but something about the day made her not question her parenting skills. It could have been a number of things, including the compliments that her family had given her about the way Alex had been raised. She couldn't go back to Chicago, but she couldn't stay in Trenton either.

The voices faded out in the background around her, and there seemed to be a lone voice echoing throughout her mind. It was soft, slow, and comforting. And it was interrupted when everyone at the table stood up and began gathering their things to leave.

The ride to her childhood home had never been so perfect. The lights were bright. The drive was soothing. The voices were familiar. It was all going better than she thought it ever could have.

Until they pulled into the driveway, and the cream colored SUV parked directly beneath the streetlight looked as though it had been heavily driven on. The car was slightly shadowed as his tall frame was slightly above the ceiling of the car and peeked over the top unto the other side. She sighed, pressing her hand against her forehead.

The car pulled to halt in the driveway beside her own car, and she stepped out of the opening door that her father had grabbed. She smiled at him while telling him her thanks, and Alex climbed out of the backseat on the other side.

"Luka!" Alex screamed excitedly.

"Alex," she said through clenched teeth, her jaw tightening. Her eyes burned with anger and desperation at the same time. Her intense glare made him straighten up and follow his grandfather into the house.

Her parents, and Alex, disappeared into the house and she began to follow them into her childhood home. Only for her to stop when reaching the porch, and sitting down on the step. She crossed her arms and leaned them against her knees. Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair and stopped it at the back of her neck.

She heard his footsteps gently approach her, and her gaze carried upward toward his tall and approaching form. He looked gentle, and a little nervous to approach her. He stopped, the light from the porch barely lighting his face.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes gently glazed looking into his. She dropped her arm back to her lap and crossed them in front of her chest. His eyes stayed locked on hers as he eased towards her, closing the small gap between them.

"I should ask you the same," he said softly, sitting down beside her on the step. His eyes were red brimmed and tired, the bags under his eyes heavier than what was a good look for him. The gap between them on the narrow step was wider than the amount of space that either one were separately occupying.

"Luka, you used to understand me. You used to understand why I used to do this," she sighed, slightly turning towards him and leaning back against the white, wooden pillar.

"Sam, I understood when you had no one to trust. I'm here now, you can trust me," he breathed out, his eyes insisting her that he was worth her trust. She sighed, and lifted her leg up onto the step. Her knee was pulled up to her chest, and with that guard up she seemed to relax more against the pillar.

"I don't know if I can trust you, Luka. I had to leave you before you left me," she said, shaking her head. He furrowed his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes. Pursing his lips together, he released a tired breath of air.

"Sam, I get you. I understand you totally and completely. When things get hard, a little uncomfortable, maybe a little too good," he trailed off, reaching a hand out. His palm touched her upper thigh. He rubbed it soothingly, as if he was trying to tell her that he understood.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, picking up his hand and placing it back on his lap.

"We had something really, really good between us, Sam. We trusted each other, and I know how that can be a bit scary but it's something that eventually goes away. It got too good to be true, and you left – you ran away," his voice was gentle, and even while his words should hurt her it was doing nothing but making her feel better.

"I didn't run away because something good was going on between us. I may be reckless but I'm not stupid," she laughed accusingly in the back of her throat.

"I know exactly how it works, Sam. I was like that too. I ran from my pain in Croatia and I went to Rome. After a while things started to get hard and I went to Madrid. In Madrid I started to get uncomfortable with everyone that I had known and I went to Seattle. Things went really good in Seattle – my life was falling into place. It scared me, so I left and that's when I came to Chicago," he said, and her eyes tore from him and traced the cracks on the deck of the porch. "I know what it's like to run."

"I didn't run because things between us were good, Luka. I was so happy when we were together, you know? But then Steve came back and messed with your mind. Don't you think that if I wanted to be with Steve I would have been with him a long time ago?" she asked, shaking her head with furrowed eyebrows. Her eyes shifted back up to him. He tried to reach out again to touch her, but she caught his hand by the wrist.

"That's usually how it works, I'd think," he shrugged. He tried to grab her hand with the hand that hers was wrapped around. The closest that he had gotten to holding her hand was when he ran his fingertips across her palm.

"It wasn't what I wanted. All I wanted was you, Luka," she said gently, relenting and letting him push his hand against hers. His fingers entwined with hers, the rough tips of his fingers gliding against hers. He sheepishly smiled, the corners of his lips slightly widening.

"I wanted that too," he agreed, inching closer to her.

"But you'll just leave. You'll leave me the way that Steve continues to leave me," she said. She breathed out a shaky breath, trying to keep her tears collected. He pursed his lips together and started shaking his head.

"No, I won't," he insisted. His free hand left his lap and rested against her upper thigh. Rubbing her upper thigh, he fought off his own line of tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

"You'll just leave me alone with two kids to take care of. It's classic," she said, shaking her head as a lone tear slid down her cheek.

"Classic? I wouldn't leave you, Sam," he insisted, shaking his head too. He pulled his hand from her thigh and wiped the tears from her cheek. His hand lingered against her cheek, and his thumb gently brushed across her cheekbone.

"You wouldn't leave me because I left you before you could leave me," she said.

"No, you ran because things got good. Really, really good," he was being persistent in the way he felt. He shook his head, soon stopping while searching her eyes. His eyes looked tired and worn out, but when he was looking at her they seemed so alive.

"I ran because I think that I might be pregnant, Luka," she said, closing her eyes. She couldn't face him – she couldn't allow for her eyes to fall on his. Although his thumb paused from brushing across her cheekbone, his hand was still firmly pressed against her cheek.

"And I'm the father," he said breathlessly. His fingers entwined with hers were pressed tighter together when he squeezed her hand. He gazed across the area around him before looking back at her.

"If there is a baby you'd be the father," she said in agreement. Her eyes seemed to press him for answer of questions that hadn't been asked. He tugged her arm towards him and gently pressed his lips against hers. It was something that she needed. She had needed his kiss like air was needed to breathe.

Pulling his lips away from hers, he kissed her quick and softly again before pulling back and turning his body towards her. He pulled her hand down into his lap, engulfing her hand in both of his and caressing it with his thumbs and index fingers. He looked down at their hands. Tearing his eyes away from their interlocked hands, he raised his eyebrows onto his forehead.

"Come back to Chicago with me?" he asked. She nodded with a small smile on her face, prompting him to smile too. "You and Alex should come live with me," he told her, not even bothering to ask her.

"That's something that Alex and I should probably talk about first," she said, pulling his hand towards her to reassure him that it wasn't something that she wanted to just dismiss. He nodded in understanding, biting his bottom lip. The comfortable silence that had fallen between them was soon to be broken. "Do you want to meet my family?"

"Do you think we're ready for that?" he asked, his eyes widening.

"There's no better time than now. I'm sure that they'll think nothing less of you just because you're dumb enough to drive to Trenton just to talk to me," she teased.

"Hey," he said playfully, standing up while keeping a hold on her hand. He helped her to stand up from the low deck, and followed behind her as she walked towards the front door. Her hand brushed against the doorknob, and when it did, he pulled her back. "I'm so in love with you. If all of this has taught me anything it's that."

"What did you just say?" she asked, releasing a breath of air with her disbelieving laugh. She leaned back against the doorframe. He smiled, his eyes tracing her face.

"I just can't wait to tell you that any longer," he smiled with a slight shrug. Her eyes locked on his, her body melting under his intense gaze. She kept their entwined hands together while pulling their hands behind her back.

"Me too," she smiled. She twisted around and opened the door. She walked in and pulled him in behind her, his frame surprising Alex. His hand was still locked with hers, and when she stopped in front of her family to introduce him to them, he realized that her grip on him was keeping him calm – his nerves staying hidden below the surface.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5 – Burdened Brains and Heavy Hearts_**

The room was soft, and the two voices continuing to carry through it were loud. Her existence in the room went unnoticed, as she was content in just standing against the doorframe. Her little brother and Alex had seemed to be getting along and having a good time together.

She was glad that Alex had got to spend some time with his Uncle Mark, but now it was time that they go, at least to leave them for the evening. It was almost one, and she was certain that her parents were ready for bed. If they weren't she definitely was, she hadn't gotten any more than a short 45 minutes of sleep to the most.

"Hey, kiddo. We need to go. Luka's waiting at the hotel," she finally announced her presence from the doorway. Alex glanced behind him as Mark did the same, and Mark smiled. His grasp on the controller to the game they were playing loosened.

"Mom! I'm still playing. There's nothing to do at the hotel," Alex whined, Mark immediately shook his head. He laughed, propping his knee up beside him.

"Well, here's one. You could sleep there," she said, releasing a small breath of air out with her slight laugh. Alex paused, looking at her with begging eyes. "I'm sorry, Alex. We'll come back by tomorrow to tell them bye," she said, shaking her head.

"Fine. Whatever," Alex said defiantly. He got up and started to walk passed her, but before he could she gently grabbed him by the arm.

"Don't talk to me like that, Alex. Don't think that just because we're going back to Chicago that means that you can talk to me like that," she said. She sighed, dropping his arm and crossing her arms in front of her chest. She looked away, the tears glazing over her eyes.

"Umm, he can stay here tonight, Sam," Mark said with a shrug as he approached her.

"Are you sure that would be okay with mom and dad?" she asked, squeezing her eyes shut. She really didn't want for her little brother to see her crying. She had always wanted him to see her as the emotionally intact one – the strong one of the family.

"They'll be fine with it," he smiled, flipping his hand towards her. "Besides, how often do they see Alex?" he smiled. He was implying that if they would put up a fight, he'd use the guilt trip on them.

"You're smart little brother. I'm just sorry I missed it," she smiled, reaching forward and putting his shoulder. He laughed, shaking his head.

"You've had someone else to watch grow up – the important thing is that you did watch him grow up," he said softly. She nodded, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. She hugged her little brother back, knowing that somehow he knew of all of the decisions she had come close to making.

Once grabbing her coat and wrapping it around herself, she climbed into her car. The car was empty – she was all alone in the quiet car. It was peaceful, but a little too tempting to go to sleep. She pulled into the parking lot, finding an empty spot quite close to the front doors.

She climbed out of the car, finding the moonlight in Trenton to be more attractive than it had ever seemed to be. Tearing her eyes away from the bright moon, she walked into the hotel through the lobby doors. The sliding doors closed behind her as her pace quickened to her room.

"Miss Taggart," the guy at the front desk who had been working when she checked in called out to her, and she stopped. She lifted her hand up to her lips, the keys clutched in her hand. "A guy came by here not too long ago and paid your bill," he said, and she nodded in thanks. "He paid for the next week," the guy shrugged, smiling.

"The next week? I thought that I was leaving tomorrow," she said, furrowing her eyebrows. The guy at the desk tapped into his computer, checking the recently paid records. He squinted, as he seemed to be embedding the information into his brain.

"It was paid through until next Sunday," he said, looking up at her. She pulled her keys from her lips and shoved her hands together. She looked away from him and slowly licked her lips in thought.

"Thank you very much," she said, looking back at him. She smiled before patting the counter and continuing to the hotel room. She got to the front door, and made a fist to lightly tap against the door.

Before she could press her knuckles against the heavy door, it opened with his strength behind the pull. He smiled, and she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She pursed her lips, and peered inside before stepping in.

"How'd you know I was at the door?" she asked, taking her coat off as he shut the door behind her entrance.

"Ever since I got out of the shower, I've pretty much opened the door every time that I've heard a noise out there," he smiled sheepishly. He stepped forward and hugged her, her body fitting perfectly against his. He pulled away from her, and he looked around scratching the back of his head. "Where's Alex?"

"He stayed with my parents for the night," she said, dropping onto the couch. Her body was tired, which was expected when she hadn't slept in as long as she hadn't slept. He nodded with pursed lips.

"Well, that would explain that absent child," he smiled, sitting down beside her. His arm was around the back of the couch, and she leaned into him, her eyes closing for a moment. The television was off, which created a comfortable silence between them. His arm dropped around her as the back of her head seemed to rest against his chest.

"You're wearing dirty clothes," she said, her voice filled with content. Her eyes were still closed, and just by her breathing relaxing against his chest he could tell just how tired she was.

"I didn't bring anything with me. I just got in the car and came," he said as he looked over at her, his eyes imprinting her into his mind just the way that she was. He wanted to remember her in that moment, when she was comfortable in his arms.

"Alex isn't here. You could just sleep naked." Her voice hadn't changed from the content tone that she had finally discovered in his arms. He laughed quietly, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I don't think that'd work. I hate being naked in hotel rooms," he teased. She smiled. He kissed her temple, and placed his cheek against her head.

"How long are you staying?" she asked, finally opening her eyes. He sighed, facing upward. He really wasn't sure how long he'd be there. He looked back down at her, his eyes locking on hers.

"I don't know. Until Weaver calls, I guess," he shrugged. She shot up from lying against him, and turned her body towards him.

"Well, that could be any minute now," she sighed, furrowing her eyebrows.

"It could be, but I don't think that it would," he said softly, reaching forward and grabbing her hand from her lap.

"Why? What do you mean?" she asked.

"Once I got back to the hospital, she told me that if I leave again to not comeback," he laughed, trying to fight off the wild eyes she was looking at him with. "If I left for any other reason than you I'd agree with you and say that was stupid, but it didn't work out that way," he said, shaking his head.

"Luka, this is crazy. You can't just do stuff like that. You should have called me," she said with wide eyes. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She frantically searched his eyes, but he laughed while looking down at her hand.

"I did, Sam. I did call you," he shook his head, quietly laughing.

"Right," she sighed. She bit her bottom lip as she shut her eyes tight. "What are you going to do? Can you afford to not work?" she asked. He looked up at her, and nervously stuck his tongue against his top lip. Looking towards the blank television screen he sighed, before his eyes drew back to hers.

"I can't afford to not work. Not right now," he said, reaching his free hand forward and gently touching her stomach. "If anything, I need to make more money," he smiled, retracting his hand back to himself. What was a boy to do? He loved her and he'd do anything for her.

"I don't know if it's a for sure thing. I said that I might be pregnant," she sighed.

"And that's okay too, but until then, I'd like to be prepared," he said with a shrug. "I'm sorry," he cleared his throat, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't say things," he said, looking away. She angrily rolled her eyes, and placed her hand on his cheek, guiding his eyes back to hers.

"No, you should. I like that you did. It helps me to know that you're okay with things," she said with her eyes enticing his glazed over eyes back to her. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. His response took moments to trigger, but when he did his arms wrapped around her. She pulled her lips from his and when he laid back she pressed her head against his chest.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6 – Blind to the Unseen_**

In scary movies nearly every character dies the same way, and after a while you get used to the way that everyone's died. You eventually get used to the blood, guts, and gore filling your mind. That's when you decide that you'd rather be watching something else, or better yet re-writing the script.

His phone prompted her to wake up with that feeling – the feeling of pure slaughteration and dissatisfaction. His arms were loosely hung around her, and his eyes were shut tight. As though they were shields blocking out the world, his eyelids had no interest in opening any time soon.

"Luka!" she whispered hoarsely. Why was she whispering? The only other person there with her was whom she was trying to wake up. She inhaled deeply as she raised her leg across his body and set it down on the floor.

When her foot hit the floor, she discovered that she still had her shoes on her feet. She shook the recent discovery off as she placed her hands against the back of the couch and steadied herself. Once containing her balance, she knelt down beside him.

"Luka, your phone is ringing, and it's driving me out of my mind," she said louder and more angrily. He groggily lifted his arm, expecting her to hand him his phone, but when he didn't ever get the phone in his grasp, he opened his eyes. She smirked at him as he sat up and rubbed his face.

"Where's my phone?" he asked, searching around the small living room that the hotel room possessed. She stood up and stared down at him disbelievingly with her arms folded across her chest. He glanced up at her, and, doing a double take, furrowed his eyebrows. "What's the matter?" he asked, reaching up and rubbing her forearm.

"Just answer the phone, Luka," she laughed exasperatingly in the back of her throat. She turned around, grabbed his phone off the counter, and thrust his phone into his hand. He smiled a tired thanks, and quickly flipped open his phone before the caller could hang up.

"Hello?" his thick, Croatian accent asked down the phone.

"Kovac? Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past two hours!" Kerry Weaver barked down the phone. Luka sighed, leaning his back against the couch. He ran his hand through his hair, running his other hand through his dark hair.

"I'm not in Chicago," he said, shaking his head. "Look, Kerry, you told me that if I leave again during one of my shifts I was fired." He exhaled, reaching forward and grabbing Sam's hand to pull her down beside him. When she hit the couch, she was leaning against his arm and chest.

"I know that's what I said. I'm short an attending and I haven't had anyone as chief of staff for months. I'm stressing out, and getting desperate at the same time," she huffed down the phone.

"You must be in your office. There is absolutely no way you would say that in front of people," he laughed in the back of his throat. "What is it that you are saying Kerry?" he asked, rubbing Sam's ribs and stomach.

"We need you to get your ass back here and teach these residents a thing or two!" Kerry said, clearly exasperated.

"Like I said, I'm not in Chicago," he repeated, shaking his head.

"How long would it take you to get here?" she asked, her tone begging to change but not raising or lowering a single octave.

"Too long to work a shift afterwards," he said, shaking his head. "Besides, I don't know that I'm coming back." He shrugged as Sam sat up within his arms. Sam disappeared into the bathroom.

"You were the candidate to become the new chief of staff, and after putting some thought into it I decided that you're perfect for the job. You've put a lot of hours in at County. You've made wise decisions at County. You've taught the students, interns, residents, and even the patients a few things in the medical field. You've been loyal to County. I can't see any other person fitting the job more perfectly," she said, her words and tone so blah.

"I can, Kerry. John's a better candidate," he said.

"He doesn't seem to think so. He believes that he's had too much psychological history to lead an entire staff." Kerry was calm at this point.

"I'll have to think about it," Luka decided. He put his palm to his cheek and scrubbed his face with his rough fingertips.

"The commitment is 3 years as chief of staff. The pay is two thousand dollars a week. The benefits are the same as before. And the representation of the emergency department is enclosed to you as chief of staff," she said.

"I don't plan on leaving County any time soon, and I sure do need the pay raise," he said, scratching his face. He sighed, standing up and scratching his stomach. He placed a hand on his hip as he leaned his back against the counter. "I'll take it, if you give me a week to start. That means a week before I'm on any more shifts, and a week before you'll see me again."

"Deal. You start a week from tomorrow," Kerry said.

"Okay then. See you a week from tomorrow," he said, sighing.

"Welcome to the bitch position," Kerry said, and she was obviously smiling.

"I think, in my case, it'll be more of a bastard position," he joked. Snapping the phone shut, he placed it back on the countertop. He glanced around the room, his elbow sliding across the countertop as his subtle steps approached the bathroom door.

He made a fist and knocked it against the door. He pressed his palm against the wooden door and slid it down until his hand enveloped the gold, metal doorknob. Reluctantly turning the doorknob, he found Sam leaning against the white wall beside the toilet on the other side of the door.

"Are you okay?" he asked. His hand gently touched the doorframe as he took a step in. His thumb stopped when it hooked into the edge of the doorframe. His elbow was bent as he leaned his hip into the doorframe.

"Sorry I skipped out on you. Feeling a little nauseated," she removed her hand from the top of her head and attempted a smile at her.

"Is that all that's bothering you?" he asked, hooking his thumb into his back pocket. She closed her eyes and nodded before opening them again. "I don't know you seem a little," he trailed off, sitting down beside her on the floor.

"A little what? A little pregnant?" she asked, her elbows pressing against her knees as she leaned her chin into her palm. He bit his bottom lip and reached over to grab her hand. "So, I guess that you're going back to Chicago," she said, allowing his hand to engulf hers.

"I don't have to be there for another week," he smiled, squeezing her hand. She furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her lips. He was compelled to tell her more just by glancing at her face. "Kerry asked me to be the chief of staff," he shrugged.

"She wants you to be the chief of staff? Is this something that you want?" she asked, her eyes pressing him for answers. He cocked an eyebrow and bit his bottom lip. Her fingertips brushed across the back of his hand, and he unconsciously began sucking on his bottom lip.

"It was never something that I considered. But I do hope that it's something I want, because it's a three-year commitment. I took up her offer," he said with a sigh. "I made a verbal commitment to be the chief of staff for three years," he rested his head back against the wall and looked over at her out of the bottoms of his eyes.

"Great. My boyfriend's going to be married to the ER," she teased. He laughed, pulling his hand from hers and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He gently pulled her to him while he took his knees to his chest. "We'll never get to see each other."

"Yes we will. We'll make time to be with each other," he said, dropping his hand to her thigh. He gave her thigh a gentle squeeze before moving his fingertips across the back of her leg.

"It might not be that simple," she sighed, shaking her head. His head whirled towards her with his mouth slightly agape. He closed his mouth and cocked his jaw for a moment.

"That's exactly why you and Alex should come and live with me. So we can be a family, and we'll get to see each other everyday. I'll be with you whether you're tired, sick, or moody. And you'll be with me whether I'm angry, exhausted, or just damn quiet," he said. He squeezed her in his arms. Her eyes drifted down her legs and to the floor. He stretched his legs out and placed one ankle over the other.

"It's something that Alex and I should talk about. Luka, I have the baggage that you don't. If I move in, you won't be getting just me but you'll be getting Alex too," she said, shaking her head.

"And I thank Alex. If there was no Alex, I wouldn't of fallen in love with you. And if I hadn't fell in love with you, there would have been nothing to keep me in Chicago, so I'd be back in Africa getting my ass beat to death again," he said. She laughed while shaking her head.

"You just totally avoided everything that I said," she looked at him. She smiled, her eyes gentle upon meeting his.

"It took us, what…5 months to cross that line? God, Sam, I've been in love with you for the past 9 months. And quite honestly, I'm wiling to take the risk of us living together. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of wasting time with you. I just want to be with you everyday for the rest of our lives," he said. His eyes were locked on hers while he was talking. She was always surprised at how he looked into her eyes when he spoke to her.

"Did you just propose to me?" she asked, her eyes were narrowed at him. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to get a straight answer out of him for a question like this. Overall, he was a man, and she expected a man answer.

"If I did, what would you say?" There it was. The man answer – answering her question with a question. He was relentless, understanding, and, most of the time, certain of himself, but he was unconditionally predictable.

"I'd probably say that it was too much at once. Too much to ask. But I'd also say that it isn't something that shouldn't be discussed in the future," she said, once tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, smiling as he pushed his bottom lip out with his tongue. She nodded, and he sighed happily. "I've always found it effective to aim for more than you're ready for or more than you can do. Because if you manage to accomplish those, it seems to make the easy things easy," he said, looking over at her.

"So, you propose so that Alex and I will move in with you?" she asked, a disbelieving laugh escaping from her lips.

"No – not at all," he said, shaking his head. "I never proposed," he objected. He laughed, as she reached over and squeezed his hand before standing up.

"Okay, Luka, you don't have to freak out."

"Who's freaking out?" he asked, standing up as quickly as he could.

"Let's just take this one day at a time," she said, turning around in the doorway. She smiled, leaning against the doorframe. "You know?"

"You're right," he relented, looking down at his hands. His fingers were locked together, and he couldn't will himself to look up. He knew that he was pressuring her into it all, and he knew that she also thought that he thought it would make it easier if they, her, Alex, and the baby, lived together. She knew that he trusted it as his right as a man.

She looked at him with arms crossed in front of her chest. She sighed, and rubbed her forehead with her cold, rough fingertips. "We just aren't ready," she breathed out, turning around and disappearing from the bathroom – from the hotel room.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7 – Fathers and Cops Have Common Laws Too_**

The bathroom flooded with steam, and the steam fogged every square foot of the bathroom. She turned the water off, and with the sound of a click the water halted from pelting against her skin. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel tight around her body.

Catching sight of Luka's pants sitting on the bathroom counter, her face contorted. Her smirk was shaken off when she shook her head, and reached for his pants. My, what a surprise, she was sure that's what he wanted – steam pressed pants.

She opened the bathroom door a crack, the steam rushing out in a hurry. The television was blaring through the walls and the slightly open air, and it caused her to roll her eyes. The last thing that she wanted to do was be her boyfriend's mother, but it seemed as though he needed to get into some trouble right now.

"Luka," she said, poking her head out of the cracked door, "turn the TV down. Some people in this hotel might be trying to sleep." He looked over at her, his pursed lips forming into an apologetic smile. His index finger pushed down on the volume button, and the noise went respectively silent. "Why do you have it up so loud anyway?" she asked, twisting around the corner only to see him staring at the TV.

"Something had to keep me awake while you were in the shower," he shrugged, his eyes never leaving the television. She sighed, laughing into the back of her throat. She stared at him, and she was sure that he could feel her eyes boring into him. His eyes drifted towards her, and his lips formed an a circle. "What?"

"Nothing," she said, frantically shaking her head. She turned back into the bathroom, moving from his view. She snatched his pants off of the countertop and peeked back out of the doorway. "You need to get dressed," she called out, throwing his pants at him. They smacked against his chest, and she turned as he warily clutched his pants in his hands.

"Why are they wet?" he called back, and she could tell that he was climbing from his comfortable position on the couch. She ran the sink water while grabbing her toothbrush from the other side of the counter. The door creaked open at the gentle push on the other side of it.

"You shouldn't have left them in here. You knew I was going to take a long, hot shower. You should have gotten your pants out of here before," she said, smirking at him in the mirror and shoving her toothbrush into her mouth. He narrowed his eyes at her in the mirror. He lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry. Did I miss something? Are we fighting?" he asked. Her eyes glanced up and reflected into his in the mirror. She paused the toothbrush slightly hanging out of her mouth.

"No, we're not fighting," her voice muffled by the clamp her mouth had on her toothbrush. "I'm just brushing my teeth," she shrugged. His eyes left hers as he looked down to pull his pants on over his boxers.

"Yes, but I do sense the hostility in your voice. I have to say that I don't like it," he said, shaking his head. He buttoned his pants and zipped them up, his belt's metal ends clattering against each other. He did his belt, and rested his hands on his hips.

"I guess that," she paused to pull the toothbrush out of her mouth and wash it off under running water. "It' nothing really. I'm not mad, and we aren't fighting," she said again, shrugging as she set her toothbrush down beside the sink.

"Oh, okay," he relented, nodding his head. She walked passed him and into the room that contained the bed. Her clothes were lying on the bed, ready to be worn, and as she began to pull them on, his eyes drifted over to her. "So, you're not mad?" he asked again.

"I'm not mad," she said, glancing up at him from the clothes in her hands. She continued looking at him with a blank expression, nervously reaching up and dragging her hand through her hair. "Besides, uh, you know, we need to get going. Alex is probably worried sick considering we were supposed to be there, 20 minutes ago," she added, checking her watch.

"Come on, he knows how we lose track of time," Luka shrugged, shoving his hands into his damp pockets. She glared at him from the tops of her eyes, and soon shook her head. Attempting to turn her attention back to getting dressed, she glanced back at him.

"I cannot believe that I left him there with my mother. He has to be bored out of his mind," she laughed, shaking her head. Dropping the towel to the floor, she pulled her shirt on over her head while continuing to speak, "I'm surprised that he hasn't called and begged us to show up."

"When we do show up, maybe we should show up with some clothes," he suggested, advancing into the room. She laughed, shaking her head and tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She reached to the floor and lifted Alex's bag onto the bed, digging through it for a clean change of clothes.

"He's not walking around with me wearing dirty clothes," she shook her head and glanced up at him as she continued to dig through his bag. "And neither are you," she added, tossing a pair of Alex's pants onto the bed. Underwear, socks, and a t-shirt quickly followed the pants.

"It's not like you have much of a choice. You either get me in these clothes or you don't get me at all," he teased, gently grabbing her wrist. Defiantly arching an eyebrow, she dropped everything down onto the bed and cocked her jaw at him. He pursed his lips, as his eyes grew slightly wider.

"How about no clothes at all?" she said in the back of her throat. She roughly pressed her lips against his. Not quite knowing how much time had passed, he pushed her back onto the bed, surprised when she willingly agreed.

She would have ripped through the front door, she really would have, but she wasn't sure that it would be best considering they were over an hour late to her parent's house. They were bound to be angry, or even yet, disapproving. Not including, none of them had been informed about the baby, and she wondered if they should even be told before her, Alex, and Luka left.

She wrung her hands together, making at note as to when she started doing that, and nervously planted her feet to the ground in front of the front door. She could almost swear that she was sweating, and if not that, her head was glistened. She felt his fingertips brush across her back in an attempt to soothe her.

"It's okay, Sam. They don't have to know now. We can tell them whenever you're ready," he said, wrapping his arm over her shoulder and leaning towards her. It was as if he knew what she was thinking – he was inside her head. She reached across herself to place a hand on his arm. Rubbing his arm, she looked over towards him.

"How can you say that, Luka? My parents will freak. In fact, as soon as they know, you'll be a dead man. My father will not react well," she said, shaking her head. He sighed, turning towards her and his hand dropped to her lower back. Looping his other index finger in her belt loop, he scrunched down to meet her eye to eye.

"I would think that the fact that I want to be with you would make this different," he said, sliding his hand up to her face and cupping her cheek. "If you don't want to tell them today we don't have to," he shrugged. She reached a hand behind her and entwined her fingers with his.

"But we should. It's better to tell them in person."

"Okay, then. We'll tell them," he smiled with a slight nod of the head.

"Maybe we shouldn't. They don't know you that well," she decided to say. "And I love my Luka. I'd hate for my father to kill him," she said, her mind wandering passed him. Her palm met his chest as she leaned into him.

"Then, we won't tell them," he shrugged. He wrapped his other hand around hers. She glanced up at him, and closed her eyes. She leaned her forehead into his chest, and he released her hands to wrap his arms around her backside.

"Maybe you should just spend some time with him. Get to know my father a little," she said, her voice slightly muffled against his chest.

"Really? You never seemed like the kind of girl that needed her father's approval. But, I'll do whatever it takes," he said, burying his hand into her hair.

"I'm not that kind of girl. But I never got to do the girl thing where you introduce your boyfriend to your parents," she sighed, pulling herself away from him.

"Let's just go. I want the third degree thing to be over with," he smiled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His hand slid down to entwine their fingers, and he knocked on the door with a heavy fist from his free hand. "It sucks," he added.

"Oh, and I want nothing to do with it," she said right before the front door swung open. Mark smirked at them from the other side, holding his left hand up to check his wrist. Trying to fight his smile, he looked away from them – quite passed them to find a freedom from the encounter.

"You guys are late," he said through a restricted laugh.

"We tend to do that," she said, shifting her gaze from Mark to Luka and back to Mark. She felt his hand squeeze around hers, and she glanced at him. He gave her a look as though he felt she was sharing to much information, but she just pursed her lips squinting at him, and shifted her eyes back to Mark.

"Dad is so going to grill you for that," Mark teased, stepping aside so they could step in. She stepped in before him and tugged him in behind her. The tug was gentle, but it showed possession and he noted that it was possession that she hadn't used before. It was a possession that she had gotten scared of using – the last time that it was nearly used was when she had tugged on his hand and dropped it before they could ever take a step out of the ambulance bay.

Every other time there was that kind of possession used in their relationship, he had used it. Her act of possession was impeccable, her parents eyes sure to begin burning holes into him as soon as they saw them together. The night before they had seemed distracted, but their eyes were drooping low to give away that they were very tired. With her hand pulling on his, his grip grinding against her fingers tightened. Their fingers were locked, arms loose, and possession tight.

"Mom! Luka!" Alex screamed as soon as they walked into the kitchen. "Uncle Mark is so fun! We stayed up all night playing video games," he screamed out, shoving a piece of toast into his mouth.

"All night! You better not have stayed up all night," she said, sitting down in the seat beside him and passing him a sharp glare. Luka laughed, shaking his head as he stopped behind her chair. Mark stood in the doorway, waving Alex towards him. Alex shoved the rest of the toast into his mouth and took off down the hall towards Mark.

"Have a seat, Luka," Sam's father said, crushing his palm against the chair between him and Sam, the seat that Alex had been sitting in. Luka nodded, his fingertips brushing across Sam's back as he moved to sit down beside her.

"Thank you," he muttered with a smile as he took a seat. He glanced at Sam, doing his best to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. She noticed that he was trying, but he was still very uncomfortable and in desperate need of saving, so she reached over and slid her hand into his. He grip on her hand was loose, so he squeezed her hand into both of his palms. He leaned his elbows on his thighs, and he rested their hands in between his knees.

"Sorry that we're so late. We had to wait for Luka's pants to dry," she said before either one of her parents could ask a question. Luka shifted in his seat, glancing at Sam with narrowed and questioning eyes.

"Right. My pants were wet. From the shower. From when she was in the shower," he said with a stutter. "I'm still working on my English," he added in a soft, quiet voice as he shrugged. He glanced at Sam, and she had a cocked jaw with a joining arched eyebrow.

"You know that people can understand you just fine, don't you?" she asked, a smile peeking through her cocked jaw. She rolled her eyes. He pursed his lips together, his eyes darting around the room giving away the panic that he was trying to hide.

"No," he said, shaking his head.

"We'll give you a minute to talk," Sam's father said, standing up and tugging on his wife's sleeve only for her to slap his hand away. "When you're done, you could just join us in the living room," he added through clenched teeth. Sam's mother stood up and gathered the dishes, placing the pile on the counter beside the sink before they both disappeared from the kitchen.

Luka's eye shifted to Sam's, and he slid his hands across her hand, her skin becoming warm beneath his touch. She exhaled deeply, looking at him with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. His face did the same before he laughed in the back of his throat.

"Maybe this is a bad idea, Luka. We should just get Alex and leave," she shrugged, taking her hand from his. She stood up, hugging herself for warmth from the slight breeze seeping through the kitchen. His eyes followed her upward, and he reached his hand out to her arm.

"We cannot do that, Sam. If there is one thing that gets done today, it's that we should tell them that you're pregnant," he said in a soft, nearly silent voice. He enveloped her arm with his hand, and he stood up beside her. "You were right about telling them in person. It's much better," he shrugged, his chin tilted into his chest.

"That may have been what I said, but I was just saying stuff to get you to tell me how you really felt about it. You're just now telling me how you feel about it, Luka. I didn't actually think we'd be telling them today," she said shaking her head. Her eyelids were brimmed with tears, and this prompted him to wrap his arms around her. Shaky fingertips brushed down her back.

"I know it was hard when you told them that you were pregnant with Alex, but you're not that girl anymore. You're not a little girl anymore, Sam. You're an adult, and you're not alone in this," he whispered in her ear, his warm breath trailing across her neck.

"You're right. I have to trust you, baby," she whispered back as they both pulled away. "Let's get in there and get this over with," she sighed. He lifted his hand up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her hair. "Just don't get too comfortable," she added warningly, grabbing his hand and leading him into the living room.

"Yeah, hey," he said, following her lead to sit on the couch. "Look, before you say anything I think that you should just know something," he said, rubbing his palms together within the wide gap between his knees. "I know how it hurts when you realize that there's nothing else you can do to save your child," he said, all nervousness clearing from his body.

"Do you have kids, Luka?" Sam's father asked.

"I had a boy and a girl back in Croatia. Yeah," he said breathlessly. He wasn't sure that they deserved to know. He didn't like to talk about it, and he'd never talked to Sam about it. But then again, if he were serious about her, he'd tell her parents whatever it was they wanted to know.

"So, you know what it's like to lose them? You know what it's like to know that they don't need you anymore?" her father asked. Luka shifted in his seat, glancing at Sam with sad eyes.

"In a sense I know what it's like," he said, "but the difference here is that Sam can take care of herself," he added immediately after his words. Sam became uncomfortable. He was going to share things with her parents that he'd never opened the door to with her. It made her long to be away from him.

"We know that Sam can take care of herself. She did a really good job doing it, too," her mother said, releasing the breath that had been invading her lungs for quite sometime.

"She's turned out great. Alex too," her father added. Luka glanced at her, noticing how she felt like she didn't want to be there, he turned his attention towards her.

"I never wanted to tell you here or like this, but when I saw Alex it reminded me of what it was like to be a parent. It reminded me of how much I had been missing my children, and he helped me to fill a void that I didn't know needed to be filled. I never had any intentions of sticking around for as long as I have, my plans were to go back to Africa once I was better. But you saved me – you and Alex saved me," he sighed, reaching over and taking her hand into his.

"You don't have to do this," she said, shaking her head.

"Sam, I think that I really do," he said, biting his bottom lip. His intense gaze ripped past the walls that she had built up in this one moment. "When I look at Alex, I know that he's not my child. And it just kills me to know that I have no ties to a great kid – I have no ties to how he was raised. I have no ties to you, but when you told me about the baby," he paused, his eyes falling to their entwined hands.

"The baby?" her mother asked when Luka paused.

"When you told me about the baby it gave me a chance to have those feelings back again. You've given me more than I could have ever asked for in just a short time," he said. Her father glared at Luka for the next 20 minutes, as he was clearly unable to form the words to express what it was he wanted to say. Sam tried to ignore the hostile gaze that her father was dropping on Luka, but there was no luck.

"Look, dad, it was obviously a bad idea to tell you, and if you can't just accept that that's the way things have worked out maybe it's best that we just don't come around here anymore," Sam said, standing abruptly. She grabbed Luka by the collar and pulled him up and dragged him towards the door. "Come on, Alex! We're leaving!" she called exasperatedly, pausing in front of the front door.

"Look, Sam. It's fine," Luka tried to reason.

"Shut up, Luka!" she said through clenched teeth. Luka shut his mouth as he was dragged out of the front door. Alex quickly followed, protesting the entire way.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Chapter 8 – Those Are Fighting Words_**

Luka glanced into the rearview mirror at Alex's silent form. He didn't understand why Alex had gotten quiet, after his questions had been ignored for a few minutes. His eyes drifted back to the road in front of him, and he sighed. He lifted his hand from the grip he had on the steering wheel, and he dragged it through his hair.

"Look, Alex. Sometimes things just work out the way they work out," Luka said, shrugging as he glanced into the rearview mirror again. "I don't understand either, but let's face it, your mom controls me too," he added, slightly shaking his hand. He glanced towards Sam, and when she was glaring at him from the corner of her eyes, his gaze shot back to the road.

"We just, we have some things that we need to talk about. You and me need to talk, kiddo. And you, me, and Luka need to talk about some things," she said, her voice slicing through the tension between her and Luka. She looked into the backseat, Alex's eyes wondering at the scenery outside of the car. He was showing interest anywhere but to the two people in the car with him.

"What kind of things?" Alex finally asked, looking at his mother. She inhaled, and when she exhaled her breath was shaky. Alex's eyes left her and wandered outside of the car again.

"About what's been going on. Going back to Chicago and stuff," she shrugged. Alex's face lit up, and he looked back at his mother. His grin lit up the car as Luka glanced back at him in the rearview mirror.

"We're going back to Chicago?" he asked. Luka smiled, gripping the steering in his fingertips again. Alex's eyes darted curiously from Luka to Sam.

"Yeah, buddy. And how would you like to come live with me?" Luka asked, pulling up to a stoplight, and looking at Alex in the rearview mirror. Alex's eyes went wide as his smile slowly faded into pursed lips.

"Just me?" Alex asked, scratching his temple.

"Well, your mom too. Unless you'd rather it be just us guys," Luka laughed with a shrug, looking back at the road as the stoplight turned green. Alex's face contorted into serious thought, and Alex glanced out of the window again. "Why don't you and your mom talk about it?" Luka suggested off of Alex's look, "you can get back to me once you do."

"Okay," Alex agreed with a nod, looking at Luka in the front seat. Luka took a closed fist and pressed it to his mouth, covering a rough exhale. The car grew silent again, and as Luka slowed down while turning on his blinker to pull into the hotel parking lot, Alex spoke up. "Hey, Luka," he said benignly.

"Yeah?"

"Will I get my own room?" Alex asked, looking down at the carpet intact at the floor of the car.

"Don't worry about that. The only person that will have to share their room will be me," Luka smiled, glancing into the rearview mirror again before making a smooth turn into the parking lot. The car pulled into a parking spot, and both Alex and Sam's doors were open before the car could be turned off.

The three made their way into the hotel room in silence, and before he could turn around once closing the door, he had pieced together that he was left alone in the room. Shrugging, he set his keys down on the end table and sat down on the couch. He sprawled his leg out across the couch as he rested his neck back against the arm of the couch. He shut his eyes while tucking a hand behind his head.

"Well, it's official," Sam muttered, closing the bathroom door behind her exit. She smiled, collapsing down onto the couch beside him. He peeled his eyes open, and placed the hand not tucked beneath his head on top of her head.

"It was official when we first said something," he smiled, dragging his hand through her hair and tucking a loose strand behind her ear.

"I know, but now that my parents know I can't just tell you that it was a joke just to get you back," she smiled. His hand slid around her neck, and his arm pulled her into him. He smiled, pressing his lips against her temple.

"It will never take much for you to get me back," he said, his fingertips brushing across her upper arm. He closed his eyes again, relaxing against her. But after moments of him becoming content she moved from his grasp, causing him to open his eyes and stare after her in wonderment.

She snatched the ice bucket from the counter, and he abruptly stood up. At the sound of his shuffling feet behind her, she turned and shoved the ice bucket his way. She smiled, sticking out her bottom lip, and his shoulders drooped low at the look on her face.

"Why don't I go get some ice?" he asked sarcastically, taking the bucket from her. "While I'm gone, why don't you see if Alex wants to go swimming or something? If we're going back to Chicago tomorrow, he won't have time to swim," he shrugged, turning to the door. His hand firmly gripped the doorknob, and he pulled the door open.

"Alex!" Sam called out, tapping on the bedroom door. She opened the door, peeking her head through it. "Hey, Alex, Luka wants to know if you want to go for a swim with him," she said, spotting Alex on the bed delved into the Gameboy screen.

"Where's Luka?" Alex asked, turning off the Gameboy and setting it down beside him on the bed. He scooted to the edge, and she slipped through the door, quietly shutting it behind her.

"He went to go get some ice," she said, sitting down on the bed beside him. "How do you really feel about going to live with Luka?" she asked, laying back against the mattress. The pile of golden curls on her head was spread uncontrollably across the pillow.

"What about dad?" he asked, laying his head back against the pillow beside his mom. She pursed her lips and looked over at Alex, his head slowly following in the act that hers had taken.

"Alex, your dad is – he's your dad, but it just doesn't work, buddy. There was a time that I wanted to be with your dad, but now, all he is to me is your dad. We can't be a family. Do you remember when we tried that?" she asked him, tucking her arm beneath her head.

"I barely remember it, but it was like 5 years ago," he shrugged.

"It only worked for a couple of weeks, Alex. He was drunk every night, and he was just – he was very difficult. Don't get me wrong though, kiddo. He's not a bad guy, well, he hasn't always been a bad guy," she smiled apologetically. Alex looked away from her and up at the ceiling.

"Do you love Luka more than you love dad?" he asked. His eyes planted on an almost unnoticeable crack in the ceiling.

"I will always love your dad because he's your dad and he gave me you. But I love Luka because he's Luka. He understands you, Alex, sometimes even better than I do," she said, shaking her head.

"Do you love Luka more than you love me?"

"No way, kid. I could never love anyone more than I love you," she said, her hand guilty traveling to her stomach. "I love Luka differently. Much, much differently," she said, breaking the moment of silence. "One day, you'll understand what I mean," she said, nodding slowly.

"You mean, you love Luka the way that Austin's parents love each other?" Alex asked, his eyes drifting back to his mom.

"Well," that being the only word that she could breathe out of her contorted face before Alex could interrupt her.

"You want to have Luka's babies?" he added, as they sat up. Sam looked at her son, licking her lips trying to gather the words. She finally shrugged as a smile formed on her face.

"Something like that," she nodded, soon after throwing her legs over the side of the bed. Alex was climbing off of the bed too, taking off his sweatshirt as his feet hit the floor.

"Mom?" Alex said, trying to grab Sam's attention. Sam's eyes whipped towards her son, and she looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "Can I get the TV in my room?" he asked with a smile.

"We'll have to see," she said, a smile seeping through her questioning eyes. Alex was taking off his t-shirt, and he hurriedly peeled it off to throw to the floor.

"Yes!" he hissed, making his fist into a ball and pulling it towards him.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Sam laughed, looking at him pointedly. She made one swift movement and playfully gathered him in his arms. She tickled him, sneaking a kiss against his cheek.

"Ew!" he screamed out, wiping his cheek. They both started laughing as they fell back onto the bed. He rolled over onto his back and looked over at his mom with a smile on his face.

"Are you okay with us moving in with Luka?" she asked.

"Are you happy?" he asked, sitting up.

"I think that I am," she nodded, sitting up too.

"Then I'm happy too," he nodded, digging through his bag for his swimsuit.

"If you're ever unhappy with me or with Luka, you need to tell us. That's what we care about the most," she said, reaching over and dragging her hand through his hair. She patted his head before leaving the bedroom, and leaving him alone to change.

"That was so fun!" Alex's voice echoed throughout the hotel room as he and Luka walked in the door. She heard Luka laugh along with Alex, and she stopped in her packing. Leaving the pile of clothes on the bed, she walked towards the living room to see Luka and Alex wrapped up in towels.

"Did you guys have a good time?" Sam asked, catching a glimpse of them before she walked all of the way into the entrance of the door to the rest of the hotel room. She stopped in the doorway, and gripped the doorframe in her grasp.

"The best! Luka is so fun! You're so much cooler than my dad!" Alex said without thinking, rushing into the bathroom to change out of his wet clothes. Sam laughed, shaking her head as she pulled herself away from the doorway.

"I can't believe he just said that. I think that just goes to show you that we're going to be an okay family. Really okay," she said, approaching him. He smiled, covering his head with the towel and drying off his hair. He let the towel hang around his neck, dragging his hand through his hair.

"I know that we'll be okay. I just love that kid like he's my own," he said, his eyes following to the door that Alex had disappeared behind. Her eyes narrowed at him, and his eyes drifted back to hers. "Did I say something?" he asked, taking his hand to his chest.

"You didn't say anything wrong. If that's what you're asking," she laughed, shaking her head.

"I wasn't sure. He seemed, I don't know," he shrugged, searching for the word, "at ease. I just don't know what to do with him when he gets all mad for no apparent reason." Sam shrugged, understanding where he was coming from.

"He was asking me some pretty interesting questions before you guys went down to the pool," she said, looking him directly in the eye. Her eyes caught his, her eyes never threatening her to blink.

"What kind of questions was he asking you?" he asked, his hands gingerly finding their way to his hips. He bent his knee, looking at her defiantly yet playfully. His eyebrow was arched and his head was bent low to match evenly with hers.

"He was asking me if I loved you more than I loved him. I think that he even asked me if I wanted to have your babies," she said, squinting while pursing her lips together.

"What did you say?" he asked, standing upright again and placing a hand on her cheek.

"I told him that those were fighting words," she said, shaking her head. "Actually, I guiltily told him that I'll never love anyone more than I love him," she said, glancing away as she covered her stomach with an open palm. "I'll love all of my children the same, but I'll just love him longer," she said, her eyes drifting back to his.

"Don't feel bad about that, Sam. I may have told one or both of my children that at some point, and with Marko, Jasna already existed. It's just a part of parenting. You know that," he said, placing his index finger beneath her chin and guiding her eyes back to his.

"You've got it easy," she laughed, grabbing the ends of the towel draped across his neck and pulling his lips to hers. She felt guilty for not telling Alex about his little brother or sister when there was a perfect moment to tell him. She also felt guilty for already loving that child as much as she loved him. She felt guilty because she thought that she didn't tell him enough that she loved him.


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9 – Backwards Approach of Things_**

His apartment had looked lived in for the past three days. He looked like he was living again. He had spent nearly every waking moment with Alex, taking advantage of the time alone they had while Sam was at work, and he finally felt like he was needed again.

He and Alex were friends, they had been from the very beginning, but he had started to feel like he had been ignoring Alex. It was understandable that his feelings for Sam had gotten in the way. Love had made him too blind to see to it that Alex was receiving as much attention as he needed.

He felt that he failed in his role of friendship with a boy trying to become a young man. He felt as though he didn't do his job well, ultimately making him lose contact with the foundation he had built with Alex. If he was paying as much attention to Alex as he needed, Alex never would have fell for the games that Steve continued to play.

As the movie screen to Hellboy turned pitch black, Luka's eyes turned to Alex. He waited until Alex looked at him before slapping his hand against his knee. He pushed his lips together and lifted his eyebrows.

"Maybe we just shouldn't go see scary movies anymore," Luka suggested with a shrug. Alex shook his head, and looked down at the floor. People began flooding from the packed theatre, but Alex and Luka were sitting there and waiting for the rush to pass. "Are you okay, Alex?" He nodded his head.

"Do you think that my dad's going to come back?" Alex asked, standing up from the well-cushioned seat. Luka pushed himself up by the armrests, and stood stout beside Alex.

"I really don't know. Do you want him to come back?" Luka asked, carefully placing his hand on Alex's shoulder. He had to protect him in the small, fleeing crowd still gathered in the theatre. He had to protect Alex from everything, including Steve.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "I mean, I love my dad and sometimes I miss him, but every time he comes back he leaves. He hurts my mom and there's nothing that I can do to keep her from hurting," Alex said, their pace picked up as they got nearer to the exit.

"It's not your job to make sure your mom doesn't get hurt. Just be a kid, Alex. As long as I'm here, that's your only job," Luka said, placing his hand atop of Alex's head. His fingertips ruffled Alex's hair, and he was slightly surprised at the comfort he had with Alex. He didn't know what to say to Alex sometimes, like, moments like these when he felt nothing but love for him.

"Can we take mom to lunch?" Alex asked, his eyes lingering on a poster for an upcoming movie.

"I don't know. We can swing by there and see if it's very busy," Luka shrugged, removing his hand from Alex's head. He looked down at the small figure walking beside him, and he smiled. He didn't know whether he should wait for Sam to tell Alex about the baby, or to tell him without her. They continued walking out of the front doors of the movie theatre, and they made it to the car to climb into it.

As they climbed in, Luka checked that the passenger seat airbag was turned off, so Alex could sit in the front seat, before starting the car. The car was probably supposed to be blasting with rock music that Steve had turned Alex onto, but no one's hands fluttered over the radio controls. It was as if both of the boys had something that they needed to say, but neither one wanted to go first.

"What do you think mom wants to eat? Just in case she can't leave," Alex shrugged, pulling the seatbelt from across his chest. He inhaled a deep breath as Luka glanced at him, both hands gripping the steering wheel.

"I don't know. We'll ask her when we get there," Luka said, giving Alex a smile before looking back at the road. His black sunglasses covered his eyes, and his eyebrows rising on his forehead was barely visible over the edge of the sunglasses. "What do you feel like eating?" Luka asked, pursing his lips together.

"Whatever mom wants. She's been upset a lot lately, getting mad for no reason. I think that she's on her period or something," Alex shrugged.

"I don't think that she's emotional because she's on her period," Luka said, shaking his head, "sometimes, moms just get mad for no reason." He pulled the car to a halt in the Cook County Hospital parking lot, and turned the car off. They both climbed out of the car and walked towards the ambulance bay.

"Is that normal, though?" Alex asked, squinting as he looked up at Luka, the sun barely flashing into his eyes.

"Is what normal?" Luka asked, shoving his key clutching hand into his pocket.

"For moms to get upset the way that mom does," Alex said, avoiding an ambulance that was sitting still in the bay. The ambulance was off, and there was no one it, leading Luka to believe that a trauma had just taken place. If that were the true case, there was no way that Sam would be able to get out of there for lunch.

"With moms like your mom, it's pretty normal. Actually, there would be some concern if your mom wasn't getting emotional the way that she is," Luka said, narrowing his eyes. They walked in through the sliding glass doors, and Alex rushed to push the button, to let them back into the ER, with both hands.

His eyes caught Sam, who was facing the same direction as them, with her blue covered scrubs back turned to them. She was sitting in a chair at the nurse's station, her temple resting against her fist. Carter sidetracked Alex during his rush halfway towards Sam, giving Luka the opportunity to surprise her.

He quietly walked around the island, his fingertips gliding across the countertop with every step closer he got to her. His light steps paused for his eyes to trace her still figure, and when her figure was surely implanted on his memory, he began to approach her again. He swallowed the huge lump forming in his throat, and with the gulp, he figured that he had found his voice for sure.

"Hey. You busy?" he asked her, leaning against the counter directly in front of her. She smiled, her eyes following the voice upward. Dropping the pen that was in her grasp to the chart on the desk, she slid off of the chair. They walked towards each other, meeting in the middle for a tight hug.

"You could say that, but it wouldn't be true," she smiled, pulling away from the hug. "I'm getting worn out, though, and doing nothing at all. Where's Alex?" she asked, glancing around the room.

"He's," Luka paused to glance too, "around," he shrugged, waving his hand in the air. "You should be tired, though. You were up all night," he smiled apologetically, "getting sick." She arched an eyebrow, and looked at him slightly accusingly. Licking her lips, she looked down at the chart on the desk.

"What are you doing here anyway?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows and snatching up the chart.

"We came by to see you, and to see if you were busy. Seeing as how you're not busy, we were going to take you to get something to eat. Alex's idea," he smiled, his palm pressing against the edge of the counter as he leaned against it.

"Regardless of who's idea it is, I'm not sure that I can leave for lunch," she said, fervently shaking her head, her golden curls waving around her head. Imagining the effort that it might actually take to get her to leave with them, he reached out and pressed his hand against her upper arm. His fingertips glided across her skin, goose bumps immediately covering her body.

"Yes you can. There's nothing going on here. The roads are relatively clear, and there are no patients in the waiting room," he said, gesturing to the empty emergency lobby. Her eyes followed his arm into the direction that it was pointing, and she noticed that it was clear. In fact, it had been clear for so long that Chuny wasn't even sitting at her desk.

"I can't be gone long. I was hoping of getting off early today," she said, checking her watch on her left wrist. He reached out, and circled her wrist within his grasp. He pulled her hand towards him and placed it slightly around his back, keeping his hand over hers.

"If it's been like this all day, I can see you getting to come home a little early," he smiled, leaning his hip into the counter. "Maybe you can, I don't know, have a long bath," he said, his voice low and quiet, "Eat a nice dinner of your choice in the candlelight. Then you could delve yourself into the couch for one of those Lifetime movies that always make you cry. My arm could be there for you to cling to if you want it. If you don't, it could be somewhere else."

"If you stay, your arm could be somewhere else," she said softly, her eyes glazing over while locking into his. "Let's just go get a hamburger. That sounds really good," she said, rubbing her stomach.

"Okay. A hamburger it is then," he smiled, leaning in and planting a kiss on her forehead. "I'll get Alex, and I'll meet you at the car," he said, pulling the keys from his pocket and thrusting them her way. She took the keys from his grasp, and quickly pressed her lips to his before rushing off to the lounge.

His eyes followed her as his hands circled one over the other. It took moments for him to gather enough strength to search out Alex. Forcing his legs to carry him, he placed one foot in front of the other glancing into every door. Approaching sutures, he spotted Alex staring over Carter's shoulder at a patient's head being sewn up.

He pushed the door open, and he watched Alex take on Carter's task with interest. He smiled, leaning into the door, his palm still pressed firmly against the door. Hanging out with Alex was nice, watching Alex was nice, and loving Alex was nice.

"Your mom's ready. Are you?" Luka said, finally finding his voice when he heard the snap of scissors closing. Carter and Alex's gazes both shifted to the direction that his voice came from. He smiled, giving Carter a half wave.

"Where are we going?" Alex asked, suddenly forgetting why they had even gone to the hospital in the first place.

"Come on, kid. You remember why we came. You wanted to take your mom to lunch," Luka said, a smile peeking through his eyes. "You're buying. Right?" he asked jokingly. Alex laughed, rushing towards Luka. "You'll buy your mom's lunch. Won't you?"

"I don't have any money," Alex said, shaking his head. Luka's hand was resting on Alex's shoulder. The grip on his shoulder as they walked out of the suture room, and Alex shrugged beneath his grasp.

"You could do dishes, or I could give you enough money for you to buy you and your mom lunch. I'm sure that she'd like that. Don't you think?" he asked, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. His fingertips slid through the bills in his wallet, fingering each one individually and respectively.

"She might. But won't she wonder where I got the money?" he asked, a slight hint of concern obvious in his voice.

"I'm sure she'll know. She's very, what's the word? Very observant. I'm sure that she'll just appreciate that you want to buy her lunch," Luka shrugged, pulling out two twenties from his wallet and transferring them into Alex's hand.

"Why are you giving me money to buy lunch when you'll be there?" Alex asked, shoving the money into his left front pocket.

"Because I love you, Alex, and your mother loves you. Sometimes it's nice to feel loved and appreciated, you know that?" Luka asked, closing his thick, leather wallet and putting it back in his pocket.

"Yeah," Alex said. The rest of the walk towards the car was silent, even when Sam stood from the curb and Luka draped his arm across her shoulders. They walked to the car, but no one climbed in, leaving Alex to stare at Luka and his mom blankly.

"We're going to walk," Luka filled him in, opening his car door. He reached across the seat and pulled out the mail piled in between the driver's seat and the console. Closing the car door, they walked across the street towards Ike's. "Have you been feeling okay today?" he asked Sam, facing her.

"Yeah. I just feel very strange," she shrugged, reaching over and slipping her hand into his. He smiled, giving her hand a slight squeeze. "I don't think that I've ever really felt like this," she said, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Felt like what?" he asked, his facial expression matching hers. Alex trudged beside them, remaining in his oblivious state as to what they were talking about.

"Like everything is just right," she shrugged. They stepped up onto the curb once crossing the street, and he pushed the door open for both Sam and Alex to walk in before him. They followed Alex's lead to a table, and both followed Alex's motion in sitting with more reluctance than he did. "I think that Alex needs to know, Luka. I mean, I've got a doctor's appointment scheduled for next Wednesday. Will you make it?" she asked reluctantly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Of course I'll be there," he said, Alex's eyes piercing into him in curiosity. Alex started tugging on the sleeve of Luka's t-shirt, pleading him to be informed. Luka glanced at Alex, and then looked back at Sam, giving her a slight nod.

"What's going on? Luka? Mom?" Alex asked, respectively shuffling his gaze between the two people sitting with him at the table. His mom dragged her hand through her hair, and Luka nervously looked down at the table, tracing its pattern with his fingertips.

"Alex. Honey. Kiddo," Sam said, looking up at him nervously as she searched for the appropriate term of endearment to call him. "You're going to be a big brother. You're going to have a lot of fun," she smiled sympathetically. Luka's gaze shifted to Alex, and he shrugged apologetically.

He didn't know why he was sorry. He could have been sorry for taking his mom from him and giving her to another child. He could have been sorry for not telling Alex sooner. He could have been sorry because he may have taken Alex's happiness. But the bottom line was, he was certainly and truly sorry.

"How could you guys do this?" Alex said exasperatingly. He pushed himself from the chair exasperatingly, using the table as leverage to lift his own weight. He glared at both of them before charging towards the door and disappearing onto the other side of it.

"I'll go get him," Luka said, gently placing a hand on her shoulder and following Alex out of the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Chapter 10 – The Games That Play Us_**

-

"_I'll go get him," Luka said, gently placing his hand on her shoulder before following Alex out of the door._ Hearing the door shut behind him, he glanced down the sidewalk at his left side, and that's when he saw Alex perched on the curb. The car in front of him was a midnight blue Honda Civic, settling dramatically low to the ground.

Luka made the short walk down the walkway, and his tall frame soon created a heavy and dark shadow over Alex. With his arms folded and resting against his knees, his bottom lip angrily pushed out, and his eyes boring holes into the vehicle in front of him, Alex's back seemed to straighten in an attempt to threaten Luka away. But Luka didn't see this as a threat; he merely saw it as a distant release of anger.

"Alex," Luka said gently, sitting down beside Alex on the curb. The trip to the ground caused for Luka's knees to scream out in pain as the joints creaked too close together, but the pain fled as soon as he relaxed against the concrete beneath him. "Do you understand what we just told you?" he asked, his eyes asking Alex the same question.

"Of course I understand. I'm not stupid, Luka. You screwed my mom, and now she's going to have a baby," Alex replied bitterly, staring deep into the color of blue paint on the car.

"I don't quite understand what you just said. How did I screw your mom?" he asked, his eyes narrowed in obvious confusion. Sometimes, the American language could be so confusing to him, and right now Alex needed to explain what he had just said.

"You know? Screw. Sex," Alex said, finally looking at Luka in disbelief. Did Luka really not understand? Was Luka really that retarded to the English language?

"It's so much more than that," Luka said, shaking his head in discontent with the bitter words that Alex had spoken. "I don't know how guys that have dated your mom have treated you, Alex. But I love you, and I think of you as someone that I could be a father to if you let me," he added. He felt the need to defend his unspoken feelings to Alex, and that was why they were being revealed.

"I already have a dad. I wanted you to be my friend not my dad, not my mom's boyfriend, and not the dad of some new baby that's screwing up my life," Alex said, angrily narrowing his eyes at Luka. He stared at Alex, forming and reforming the words in his head. Alex could treat Luka as bad as he wanted right now, because he knew that it was hard, but he was not going to treat Sam this way, and he was going to tell him that.

"You know what, Alex? We're going to play a game. You pretend to be happy for your mom, make this is as easy as possible for her, and I'll pretend that you never said those things, Alex. Because I know that you don't really mean them. You get in there and pretend to be happy for her, and if I see her being treated the way that you just treated her, the way that you treated me, I will issue you some kind of punishment," he said shaking his head.

Alex's eyes were open wide at Luka. He didn't think that Luka would ever get mad at him like that; he didn't think that Luka would ever get on to him like that. He didn't know what to do. Did he understand that Luka was just looking out for his feelings or his future regrets? He still wanted him and Luka to be friends.

"Go," Luka said, pointing back to the door of Ike's. Alex pursed his lips together, and he placed his feet on the ground. He stood from the sidewalk, and he walked back into Ike's, Luka slowly following behind.

Sam was sitting at the table, her hand to her forehead and her elbow crushing into the table. He wanted brush his fingertips across her cheek or press his lips to hers to make it all better. But in the time that they'd been together, he'd learned that didn't necessarily work as well as they both wanted it to.

"Oh good. You're back," she said looking at Alex. She stood up abruptly and pulled him in for a tight hug. Alex was taken aback, his arms slowly wrapping around his mom off of Luka's desperate look.

He didn't want to hurt Luka, but he was upset. He understood exactly what Luka had meant. As long as he treated his mother like he was happy about it, happy for her, he could take anything he wanted to out on Luka. One of them was going to suffer, not purposefully, but he didn't really want to jeopardize his friendship with Luka. 

-

Luka walked into the bathroom, clad in a pair of green scrubs after getting called into the nightshift, to the shower running and Sam behind the blurry door. He glanced back at the open door, and reached out to shut it before she caught his eyes from the other side of the bathroom. The steam climbing out of the top of the shower suddenly flooded the bathroom with the door closed.

"There's a beautiful woman in my bathroom," he smiled, twisting the lock and pulling his scrub top off over his head as the dew from the steam plastered to his head.

"There's a beautiful woman in your bathroom? I thought it was her bathroom too," he heard her voice quietly call out and echo around the bathroom.

"Oh, sure. She can have anything she wants," he kicked off his shoes and disposed them into the corner beside the base of the sink cabinet. He smirked, crossing his arms and leaning back against the counter. He had learned his lesson after the one time; always make it home with caffeine in his system.

"Then why are you still out there


End file.
